I struggled to decide whether I should share my testimony of how God worked in my life to help me on my health journey. Part of me felt with being such a new believer that my story couldn’t possibly help others farther along in their walk with the Lord. I’m also usually a fairly private person who doesn’t like to share intimate details about my personal life with others unless they are someone I have grown to deeply trust. And let’s be honest! These aren’t my proudest moments… But after many months of going back and forth, I feel like God has placed it on my heart to share my story in the hopes that it might help others in their faith and health journeys too.

I still consider myself a “baby Christian” as I didn't really grow up in the church, and it wasn’t until 2020 that I started exploring my faith and getting to know God. Before this, I already had some pretty well-worn paths of negative coping skills that I had developed in high school and perfected throughout my young adulthood. As a teen, I developed symptoms of anxiety and depression. At the time, I didn't have the knowledge or self-awareness to identify that this was, in fact, what I was experiencing. Some of the things I used to cope with my emotions were food, alcohol, and feeding myself lies about how insignificant I was and how nobody cared about me or what I was going through. I built a wall around my heart to avoid letting others in to help me when I was in need.

Growing up, I was always active and loved gymnastics, so maintaining a healthy weight was never much of an issue for me. But when I graduated high school, I stopped gymnastics and pretty much any other form of exercise altogether. Over the years, my drinking started to get more out of control, and I continued to eat for pleasure and to relieve stress. It wasn’t uncommon for me to eat until I was uncomfortably stuffed after each meal. If I was having a particularly stressful day, I could easily sit and eat an entire bag of Reese's or greatly overindulge in other go-to comfort foods that made me feel better.

For 10 years, I pretty much drank every day. It just depended on the day how much I would drink. On a good day, I’d have 2 to 4 drinks, but at least once a week, I was drinking as much as I physically could and had built up quite a tolerance. I have several examples of what should have been “rock bottom” moments over the years where I put either myself or someone else in harm's way while I was blacked out drunk. But I continued to drink anyway because, if I’m being honest with myself, I absolutely LOVED drinking. It was pretty much my #1 hobby, and I felt like it made everything in life better! Looking back on it now, I feel like it’s a miracle that I never got hurt or, even worse, I never physically hurt anyone else during my drunken escapades. I felt like I was living this double life where I looked professional and put together working as a nurse helping others by day and, by night, I was getting drunk, partying, and acting recklessly.

Eventually, my lifestyle started to catch up with me. I gained a lot of weight, and my blood pressure and blood sugar started to creep up. I had lost weight in the past through dieting and exercise, but it inevitably came back (plus more!) when I didn’t address the root cause of why I was eating so much in the first place. My relationship with my now husband was fairly up and down. We would get into drunken yelling matches with each other, and eventually, resentment and anger started to build between us. I would show up to work hungover, telling myself in denial that I was simply living life to the fullest and that as long as I didn’t hurt anyone, it wasn’t a big deal.

All while this was going on, I was actively taking antidepressants, and I had participated in secular talk therapy for many years. Both of which definitely helped and, I believe, allowed me to function as well as I did. But I wasn’t thriving by any means in my physical, emotional, spiritual, or relational health. I was constantly anxious about the future and felt like I had to always strive and have it all together in fear of failing or losing it all. I couldn’t let myself rest, and I felt down a lot of the time. Drinking and eating were things I looked forward to to lift my mood. I was constantly burned out and exhausted and loved the rush of pleasure I would get from eating or drinking. Alcohol also helped me to come out of my shell and calmed my nerves, which I thought helped with my social anxiety and making friends.

I felt for years that I should start to explore my faith. But it wasn’t until the COVID pandemic hit, where everyone was forced to stay at home, that I felt I realistically had the time to put any thought or energy into it. In December 2020, I began my faith journey by reading the Bible. Over the weeks and months that followed, I slowly learned through reading Scripture how God is in control of everything (Job 12:10 and Psalm 24:1) and is working all things for my good (Jeremiah 29:11, Matthew 6:25-34, and Romans 8:28). He is always with me and, I'm never alone (Deuteronomy 31:8, Joshua 1:5, and Matthew 28:20). I also learned my new identity in Christ (John 15:14-15, Romans 8:14-17, Galatians 5:1, and Ephesians 2:10) and how much God loves me (Psalm 139:13-14, Jeremiah 31:3, Ephesians 1:3-8, and 1 John 3:1). I learned how God commands us to rest (Exodus 20:8-10, Psalm 23:1-3, and Matthew 11:28-30) and how even God Himself takes pleasure in resting (Genesis 2:2-3, Exodus 20:11, and Hebrews 4:9-10).

I spent months meditating on Scripture, and even though I didn’t believe everything God had to say to me through His Word right away, I slowly, over time, put my trust in Him and, one by one, gave up each of my worries to Him. And, somehow, His promises came true every single time! I started believing that His ways were definitely greater than my own and chose to become a follower of Jesus in September 2021! (Woo! Woo!) I made a habit of repeating His Truths to myself over and over, washing away the lies I had believed for so many years about myself.

I didn’t realize at the time that I was being transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2) and becoming a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), just like the Bible describes! Eventually, my depressed mood started to lift, and I began to have hope again after reading what the Bible says about the future God has in store for me (Revelation 21:4)! My anxieties started to melt away as I began to trust in the Lord. When I felt overwhelmed and like I couldn’t go on any further, I forced myself to rest and trust that God was still in control and that He would somehow find a way to come through even if I couldn’t see it for myself at that moment.

The joy and peace I started to experience when I spent time with God became greater than any level of a false sense of joy or peace I received from food or alcohol. For the first time in years, I felt content with not having all the answers or not knowing exactly what was in store for me each day. I slowly worked on weaning off my antidepressants as I felt I didn’t need them anymore! I also believe God ultimately changed the effect food and alcohol have on me. I used to get a rush of pleasure from food and loved the buzz I felt when I would drink. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy food, but it doesn’t have the same addictive effect on me as it used to have. It also came to the point where I didn’t even like the way alcohol made me feel anymore because when I would drink, I would start to immediately feel fuzzy, sick, and disconnected from the clarity I grew to enjoy from God.

And then, one random night while I was sitting alone in my living room, God lovingly opened my eyes to see things from His perspective. I felt for the first time just how loved I am by Him and how much it broke His heart to see me poison my body day after day with alcohol. He also put it on my heart that if I loved my future husband as much as I said I did, then why did I continue to let alcohol destroy our relationship? He told me now that I have Him, I don’t need alcohol in my life anymore and that I should build my life and marriage on His firm foundation; that alcohol would only lead to further loss and destruction in my life and future marriage. He was not condemning me for my past mistakes but said all this to me in the most loving way possible. I broke into tears and realized He was so right! I couldn’t keep trying to build my life on Christ and getting drunk every day! I had to choose Him or the alcohol, and I decided once again His way was better than mine.

I’m not saying that I have never struggled with feeling down or anxious since inviting God into my life and into my health journey. And I’m not saying I’ve never overindulged in food or struggled with keeping my alcohol intake under control since that day. Of course, these things are still a challenge for me from time to time, and probably always will be because we live in a fallen world. But with all that being said, these things don’t have power over me like they used to, and they no longer rule my life! Sure, feelings of depression or anxiety still creep in at times, but they’re now temporary and only situational. (Which I think is normal!) But they don’t last for weeks or months on end.

I’ve gotten better at reminding myself how sick I feel when I overindulge in food, and now it has mostly lost its appeal to me altogether. Alcohol has also lost its appeal to me, and I’m proud to say I only drink about once a month on average and usually limit myself to 1 to 2 drinks at a time! I mainly save alcohol for celebrating special occasions now with friends or family, and I rarely drink outside of this anymore because I honestly don’t like the way it makes me feel!

After struggling with these areas of my life for years despite my knowledge as a nurse and engaging in secular forms of medicine and therapy, I truly believe the one thing that made such a drastic change in my mental health and relationship with food and alcohol was God! I’m not saying everyone’s experience will be exactly like mine or that God promises to fully heal and take away all our health problems. (Although sometimes He does!) But I fully believe God wants us to invite Him into our health journeys. He wants to comfort us and bring transformation to us as we work on accomplishing our health goals. He knows your every need before you even ask (Matthew 6:8) but still wants you to ask and come to Him for your every need anyway (Philippians 4:6). So don’t hold back and don’t feel silly or like your health isn’t important enough to ask for God’s help with!

I encourage you to renew your mind and immerse yourself in the Word of God daily. You don’t have to be as ambitious as I was by reading the entire Bible. (Although I HIGHLY recommend it!) But you can do something as simple as write inspiring verses from Scripture (I’ve included many in this post already!) onto Post-It Notes and put them all over your home. Or maybe you choose to be discerning with the music you surround yourself with and turn on your favorite worship songs every day! Anything that gets you regularly meditating on God’s Truth each day to drown out the lies of the enemy and this world.

Lastly, I strongly encourage you to speak with your own healthcare provider if you feel you need to make changes in the dosing of any of your medications. I don’t suggest anyone should attempt to decrease or discontinue meds without first speaking to their own provider. Also, everyone will have to decide for themselves how much alcohol they can safely consume and still conduct themselves in a way that is honoring to the Lord (if you’re a Christian!). For some people who have struggled with alcohol dependency and truly have no power over limiting their alcohol intake, any amount of alcohol consumption would be unwise and destructive. Others may be able to enjoy alcohol in moderation and have a strict limit where they don’t allow themselves to pass. And still, others may choose to avoid it altogether for other reasons, even if they’ve never struggled with alcohol abuse themselves!

I encourage you to pray over this and ask the Holy Spirit’s guidance on what a healthy relationship with alcohol and food would look like in your life. If you or someone you love is struggling with alcohol dependency, once again, I strongly encourage you to seek the guidance of a medical professional. For some people, quitting alcohol cold turkey may lead to severe withdrawal symptoms (some of which may even be deadly!), so I don’t recommend you do this alone!

I hope sharing my story will inspire others to invite God into their health journey! I would love to hear your story and how God has moved in your life! Feel free to reach out to me any time or leave a comment below, and if you’re interested in receiving more motivating messages like the one I shared today, please consider joining my Facebook community!

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